A Not-Mommy Blog...
For Moms

Let's get something clear from the get-go. Although my superpower is coaching moms, this does not mean we'll be discussing how to hide spinach in brownies to trick your kid into eating vegetables. We are not here learning discipline techniques or planning perfect princess parties. There are places and people for all of that... but not here, and not me.

If you are here, I am assuming these things about you... in order:

1. You love the idea of creating a remarkable life for yourself.
2. You're into learning and growth.
3. You know, deep down, that you are capable of incredible things... but there's a disconnect between that feeling and the reality of your current life.

4. You have gotten to the point where trying to solve for this by doing everything at a level 10 is no longer functional.
5. There is at least one, and possibly multiple small people in your house for whom you are responsible (aka your kids).

Let's recap...

Radiant multifaceted being - first. Mother - second.

Soul who longs to be set on fire - first. Human who makes lunches for other humans who can't reach the top shelf - second.

Clear? Good.

While most messages from society will try to convince you that as soon as you have a kid, that's the most important thing about you...

I am devoted to reminding you about, and reviving all of the other parts of you.

• The you who makes an appearance on date nights, only to be hung back up in the closet like a costume when you get home...
• The you who had dreams of traveling the world, seeking adventure, and creating important things...
• The you who used to be giddy at just the thought of your lover...
• The you who keeps getting the pause button pushed on her because you're just too tired at the end of the day...

Here's the truth...

You think you're loving your family by putting her on hold.

But I've got news for you...

...You're keeping the people you love from knowing the most vibrant, alive, in-love-with-life version of you.

Instead, they get the one who is working overtime to seem alive and vibrant, but is inwardly filled with anxiety & overwhelm. Or the one who is exhausted from trying to do all the things on the official Mom To-Do List, numbing herself with projects/food/alcohol/instagram, and just waiting for the hours to pass until she can go to sleep.

... Does that sound like love?

Before you blame yourself and start adding this to your list of things to do better... Let's pause...

I'm not saying motherhood doesn't change you. I'm not saying its not the most magical tornado in the world. I'm not saying that my kids aren't the thing I'm most proud of creating in my entire life.

What I am saying is that if you find yourself, day after day, looking at your life and wondering why you're not as grateful as you think you should be... why you're not as appreciative... why this picture you worked so hard for is not as satisfying as you thought it would be...

That's worth paying attention to.

Think about it like this... Something inside of you is feeling like any of us would feel if we made an important call and were put on hold for an hour... for a day... for a month... for a few years...

Not. Happy.

Maybe a little desperate to get our message across.

That's what's happening inside you right now, my friend. Something inside of you is giving you a clue that there is more for you.

Or simply, more of you.

This is not about inserting a regular phone date with your girlfriends and taking a kickboxing class... That's all fine, but the things on your calendar are just symptoms. We need to go all the way back up to the root cause if we want to make real, lasting changes...

So what is the root cause of all this? Spoiler alert. It's a nature/nurture combination that's not stacked in your favor...

More specifically, it's your brain in this environment. Your perfectly functioning human brain that is steeped in a steady stream of pinterest, patriarchy, and perfectionism.

This issue isn't specific to mothers, of course. Everyone with a brain has these same thought issues and could use the same solutions.

But as mothers, we're already stretched so thin that if we're not managing our minds, and thinking strategically on purpose, we have a lot less margin for error than the average person. We're already juggling all the things. We already have that 24-7 lifetime career before we even get out of bed in the morning.

Because for us, this isn't just an elective course in self-improvement... managing our minds (or not) is the first domino that will determine your life at home, your life in the world, your relationships, and most importantly, how you feel doing all of it.

And because you are so connected to other people in the world, the ripple effects you create when you start to live intentionally are both stunning and profound.

You're kind of a big deal.

It is what makes the difference between feeling like your life his happening to you, or feeling like your life is being created by you.

This is both good news and bad news, of course... because it means you have to stop blaming your life on other people, on your job, on things outside your control. But by giving up that excuse, you also trade it for the ability to start creating exactly the life you were meant to live. I'll teach you how.

I'm not saying being a mom won't be central to you anymore.

I'm suggesting you can have your cake and eat it, too. I'm suggesting both/and. I'm suggesting integration.

I know it sounds scary...

• I know you think you're in "survival mode" and that focusing on your thoughts is frivolous...
• I know you're worried that if you start spending more energy on yourself, your kids will starve, suffer, or get screwed up...
• I know you're scared that if you slow down enough to do something just for you, you won't even know what to choose...
• I know you're worried that exploring this might feel good to you, but be the end of your relationship...

Hear me now. This is all fear talking.

Fear has been in charge for too long... Fear is what has gotten us here.

Fear of not being a "good mom." Fear of falling short in the modern mom / career / relationship juggling game. Fear that you should be happier... and fear to admit that you're not.

If you start hanging out with me, we're going to start listening to some different voices.

Voices like Love, Science, Psychology, Possibility.

And You. The real You. The whole You. She's going to be the voice we listen to the most.

Here is really what happens once you get started, if you ask my clients...

• "Once I dipped my toe in, this work was liberating as hell."
• "My kids loved the change in me, and I enjoyed my time with them so much more than I used to."
• "My husband actually said, 'There you are. I've missed you.'"
• "I surprised myself because I felt so busy, but I did have the time. Even though I was convinced that I didn't. Managing my mind made me so much more productive."
• "I was scared it was too late - I'm so glad I did it anyway."

Most importantly... Yes, it is worth the fuss. It is worth the effort.

So let's start now... what does that little voice inside you say when you ask yourself this?

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver

That mixed rising and sinking feeling is your clue.

That's the real you in there saying, "More playing time, please." The version of you who is waiting to make your life as adventurous, romantic, colorful, and impactful as you've always dreamed it would be.

The multi-faceted you who is actually amazing at life, including handling those short people who live in your house, even though she is much, much more than that.

Let's get to know her better, shall we?